7.11.1987 = 22 -> 2009

so it's like i was low in confidence, then found my confidence then lost it again without me knowing it. and i duped myself into thinking i didnt find it after all, was thinking i was living a make-believe life, was so scared and beaten up that i lost hope and felt like i was at the start of the race all over again.


i didn't know, that one can gain and lose confidence. it is as simple as this, but i didnt know. i somehow thought that confidence just needs to be gained and will not be lost...


it is a simple notion, now that u read this u might think that i m silly, stupid to not know this earlier.. but how do u explain something that you don't even know to start with?


i seriously didn't know


i m still recovering

hot

i happen to think that act as simple as a girl applying lip balm to her lips, using her finger tips, is HOT.

and also, erm...

when a girl takes off her sweater/cardigan/jacket.. that 2 seconds, IMO, hotness.



what do you think?

story of my recent life in pictures

Last night's outing :

deepavali...

to Jap food and Cocktails

:)

pictures from Langkawi:

shy

most embarassing moment

when the danger of wearing a bikini was experienced, first hand.

need not illustrate further, you get the picture.

=/

have you ever wondered what the hell am i writing, what stories am i telling, what messages am i implying?

have you ever wanted to meet me for real, to talk to me, to understand my life and thoughts and often redundant notions?

have you ever wondered what it is like, to be me?

yes, i would like to meet you too.

different

different time.different issues.different trips.different crowd.different obscenities.different joy.different heartaches.different faces.different activities.different days.different places.different differences.different ambiance.different prices.different chapter.different outcome.different goodbyes.different decisions.different feelings.different limit.different drinks.different boundaries.different tolerance.different chances.


no. it's not the place that matters, it's the memories.


goodbye

there's always the flip side

there are days where i'll go 'fuck it, i will tell my boss that i want to quit this instance' and naturally there are days where shit are tolerable and sometimes roses will grow on them too (read: valuable lessons learned from painful experience). of course noone says work will be all sunshine and rainbows, but on the flip side, it need not be so unenjoyable and unhealthy as well, right?

some days i will think 'i will work hard and be somebody some day'.. but am i able to let myself settle and fight? do i dare let go of my desire to immerse in something more attuned to my interests and passion? but then again, what if this is the one, this is the supposed destiny? i guess we'll never know for sure now will we?

what say you? what's your experience like, on your very first job.. was saying goodbye to that very first job an easy decision to make?

i know, i will ultimately be the one to decide, to hand over the white envelope OR to quietly suppress misery till the next Friday (or the next sunshine filled day) comes..

sigh, it's pretty hard to say when you don't know what to say right?

bitter sweet memories, things that i've regret doing, episodes that has started and ended just as soon.

why am i so dissatisfied? i was so scared at one point that i let myself believe that i was living in a make-believe world. a world that's not real, nothing's real. all the emotions and perceptions are thoughts created by my own brain cells, even those of others, nothing is real, i believed it was all made up, by me.. i lost confidence, felt paralyzed and useless.. was wondering what happened to the life i was living, it felt like i've shed off the shells, or the skins i wear day in day out to go about routine activities. i have noone to confide in, noone will understand, noone would try to understand, noone will understand without judging.

i was suddenly lost, blinded by darkness


time in hand, will be time spent to mess up the thoughts more that they already are. . emotional drainage is much more tiring.

the owl

i bought this from one of the stalls of the Curve flea market. weird how i keep seeing pendants like this around other shops after i've acquired this. i keep seeing bigger, gold ones. hmmmmm


it's just so happen i'm able to detect wifi right now that i'm at home. proper posts will be written once i've gotten myself internet, for real. so now just bear with me, alright..